Konoha Psychoanalysist Report
by Elder Sibling
Summary: A Psychoanalysis of some Konoha Shinobi. Konoha is not a standard Ninja Village, it was an asylum for people with psychological disorder.


A/N : This One Shot was Inspired by " Harry Potter Psychoanalysis Report" by Author: Yamimtsukai. Please see that fic, I guarantee you It will make you laugh!

Disclaimer: Naruto is belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

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Konoha is not a Ninja Village, it was an asylum for people with psychological disorder. Let's take a look at some of Konoha's top Crazies!

Uzumaki Naruto : He was orphaned at young age by a Masked Man who unleashed the Kyuubi. He is a Hero who destined to either save the shinobi World or Destroy It. Naruto is obsessed with colour orange, ramen and being a Hokage. He also most obsessed to gaining approval and attention of Uchiha Sasuke. His fascination of him surpassed even his obsession with Haruno Sakura. This unhealthy obsession might be caused by Sasuke's kindness of giving him lunch during the Bell test. As a kid Naruto was rarely received any kindness and good attention from the Konoha's Inhabitants . And so It's no Surprise that Sasuke's small act of kindness means World to him. Or perhaps Naruto's obsession of Sasuke is Caused by their first Kiss? If so, then he might suffering from homo-sexual disorder.

Aside from having degraded Mentality . Uzumaki Naruto also seems to be a Masochism. He enjoys to be beaten by Haruno Sakura for all sort of reasons, even if it is an insensible one . If he is not a Masochism then It is a Big mystery as to why he working so hard to gain her affection. For it is clear that her constant beating is not a proper way to show affection. Naruto also has "protect precious people" Hero complex. Even if said people has neglected a Godfather's duties, piercing his heart with Chidori twice, calling him Idiot everyday and murdered his Parents.

Uchiha Sasuke: The last ' Loyal ' Uchiha. He is obsessed with Killing his older Brother and his Blonde ex-teammate's Power . He has major anger management problems, jealousy problems, and has no common sense . He has problem in facing the truth that against his Ideals. He always believe that his Clan is Saint and always blaming everyone and everything for his Clan's Demise : Konoha, Naruto, Itachi, Killer Bee, Naruto, Orochimaru , Danzo, Akatsuki and Naruto again. Not even Itachi who has come far from the death can Convince him. His older alone Brother isn't enough. He needs four Hokages to be resurrected from death to sober him up. It proves how this boy has a really Big Ego. He always glared with his new Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan to get what he wanted : convincing Orocimaru to help him, convincing Karin to re-join him even after pierced her chest in the past, get the first Hokage to explain the meaning of become Ninja and demand Tobi to tell the truth of the Uchiha. His ability/charisma to successfully convince people who he has been hurt in the past to help him is Certainly… Interesting and worth studying.

The boy really suffered from Superiority Complex because of his Surname. He always can't accept that people Outside of Uchiha Clan can be greater than him. No matter how great other people are, if they are not Uchiha then they are pretty much average.

Haruno Sakura: She is a Genin from a civilian Background. Having normal childhood with loving Parents, she doesn't know the hardship of the rest of her team mates and Sensei. She's a girl who thinks that everything is about relationship. She always prone to her emotions when it comes to Sasuke which always resulted in disastrous outcome on Battle: Accidently poisoned Naruto , putting Yamato in trouble at tenchi Bridge. Her lack of focus resulted in Naruto, Sai, Yamato, Kakashi and Even Sasuke to save her. Also, she is under delusion that living as an Orphan like Naruto is much better than living with bossy parents like hers. It seems that her life of take everything for granted encouraged this tactless behavior.

She has serious anger issues and violent nature despite her polite and meek demeanor. She often suppress her true feelings when she face superior and older people and her kissing-ass persona became her true self. She only unleashed her anger to people that she deemed "safe" (mainly Naruto). But that anger never left her and she practically has 'other Sakura' within herself : brash, honest and punch loving. Might be suffering from minor Bipolar issues?

However, she has proved that she can change for better. She's really a model student and fine ninja when Sasuke is not around. Her action toward Sasuke recently also proved that she's got over of her fangirl personality.

Hatake Kakashi : Team 7's supposed 'Sensei'. He loves reading porn in public, chronically late, love wasting time staring at memorial stone when he has much better things to do. Also has a tendency to send his students on dangerous mission even though he hasn't taught them anything. It really is a wonder Why Sarutobi assigned him as a Sensei. Kakashi also seems to have self-worth issues due covering ¾ of his face with a mask and headband.

Jiraiya : One of the legendary Sannin. He couldn't take his responsibilities as Naruto's Godfather due to his other responsibilities as Konoha's Spy Master. Yet this so called "Spy master " failed to notice a foreign ARMY Infiltrated to Konoha. So one must be wonder whether his Job as Spy master is true if He can let something as huge as an Army slip through Fire Country and then Konoha. He also seems to suffer from Second Puberty. For he loves to peeking Women on Bath and proclaimed himself as Super Pervert. It's a wonder why none of his students questioned of his dream. A super pervert's dream wouldn't be a World Peace, rather a World where women are banned from having cloth unless they are too young or too Old and Ugly.

Orochimaru : One of the Sannin. A deceitful man who needs to be put to Coma. Has a Tendency of Kidnapping teenagers and nourish them to be his next perfect body , hiding under a young gir's (Anko) neck skin for years ,manipulating young ninja to do his bidding, staring at Sasuke's manly chest while licking his lips predatorily , constantly offering people more power and experimenting teenager- always teenager- ninjas with unique abilities. He fears death and Uchiha Itachi. Orochimaru also has a tendency to disguise himself as a Woman and biting people's neck. Simple way to describe him? A gay pedophile who needs to be locked up for the good of society.

Inuzaka Kiba : A member of Team 8. Kiba, despite has been promoted to chuunin rank still act recklessly. He straight-forward attacked Tobi who can make himself intangible without further plan. This act may make people wonder if his chuunin vest is really earned with his own merit or It has something to do with his mother's influences. Nothing more can be said

Yamanaka Ino : A member of team 10. She has unhealthy obsession for Uchiha Sasuke. She and Sakura broke their firm friendship over him. After hearing from Shikamaru that Sasuke has been declared as an International Criminal She broke dam and Crying . One must be wondering why she feel the need to cry over a person who is not close to her and never done anything to her for once . Even her rival, Sakura accepted the news with head held high. Someone needs to wake Ino from her delusion Immediately . Like Kiba, with this mindset of hers people might wonder if her chuunin vest is well earned with her own merit or her clan head Father has something to do with it.

Uchiha Itachi: The Butcher of the Uchiha Clan . For the Genius of the Clan, he should have another alternative to make young Sasuke stronger other than by putting him in mental torture for three days to witness his parents death. For the Eight years old mind of Sasuke might can't take it and he becoming Insane. Knowing of the Uchiha Clan's Legendary arrogance, Itachi might getting sick of them and deciding to finish them off. Thus his reason is Justified and he's not a Lunatic like the rest of his Clan.

The resurrected Senju Hashirama didn't want to read the last page of the binder.

Uchiha Madara.

He really didn't need to know more about his Megalomaniac friend. Not after witnessing his fantasy about ruling the World through the moon. Besides, the files was too thick to read in one night.

Shortly after the War he demanded His grand niece, Tsunade to give him a written report of Konoha's Psychoanalyses so he can learn how leaf ninjas fare these day . He exited the Hokage's office to search fort his brother and make him canceled the edo-tensei so he can back to Afterlife. Away from these Lunatics.

It sounds like a hypocrite. For he, Senju Hashirama is anything but normal .

A/N: Other Konoha Characters that I didn't write here are either Because I respected them too Much (like Team Guy) or I can't make the writing sounds funny. I also feel bad for writing these characters' flaws While I myself have much more flaws. Maybe you have already seen one in my grammar. I also what I described for Sasuke is accurate. He's so arrogant. Ever since he got his brother's eyes he always glared his new eyes. What? does he thinks that's cool? glaring at people at people won't get you what you want. Then again he's Kishimoto's Golden Boy. Ordinary rules don't apply to the likes of Sasuke.

Thank you for reading this story !


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